I have been quiet for the last month, juggling finals, end of the semester events, and my transition home for break. However, the events of last Friday in Newtown, CT warrant words.
Let me start by saying that this was one of the first stories in a long time that actually made me nauseous. As I was watching the first reports live on television, I almost felt the need to sprint for the bathroom. (This is coming from someone who cries during sad commercials). To say that I was devastated would be an understatement. Most of us are.
That being said, I have waited about a week to write about these events because I personally felt that I could not even bear to sit down and reflect on them. I have so many children in my life, children I love like I will love my own. That is why it is so upsetting for me to hear from a mom whose twelve-year-old daughter I have babysat since she was just five. A little girl who declared that she "wants to be home-schooled" because of the shooting. I cannot imagine these kids leaving my life, my world, as suddenly as the children at Sandy Hook were taken away from those who love them.
This is not a post about the gun debate. There are enough of those out there. However, I must say one thing. The other day, I actually read a status on Facebook that stated, "F*ck you, every last gun owner."
Now here's the thing. I have read several nasty posts in the last six days, posts from people on both sides of the issue. And they all hurt.
There is a gun in my house. This gun is completely locked away, and is not loaded. I do not know where it is. I did not even know it existed until a couple of years ago. My dad had to go through extensive background checks and tests to even be in possession of it. For someone to make such a blanket insult so blindly...it stings.
Debate is healthy. We are completely free to do so in this country, which makes our homeland so special. But sometimes, we need to think about a different kind of ammunition, a kind that can also pierce hearts and spirits: our words.
I highly doubt the students and adults killed at Sandy Hook would want us to be so nasty towards each other. In fact, I have read the stories of each child and adult murdered. Some common themes emerged.
For one, these people were selfless. One little girl broke her piggy bank last Christmas to give money to the poor. The principal of the school knew almost each of the 600+ students by name. And of course, there is the heroic teacher who shielded her own students from harm.
Now I know several special elementary school teachers, two being my own cousins. They are in their mid-twenties, only slightly younger than this celebrated teacher at Sandy Hook. And there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that they too would die for their students. They embody compassion to the utmost degree.
I have been thinking a lot about empathy. Empathy is defined as, "The power of understanding and imaginatively entering into another person's feelings." I read an article online from the Boston Globe the other day called "The Empathy Deficit." In it, a researcher from the University of Michigan states that he has found that young adults (and probably people of all ages) are about forty percent less empathetic than they were about thirty years ago.
Empathy is difficult to measure. But I don't doubt his research. He speculates on all sorts of reasons for this, one being the dramatic rise of technology. (He brings up Facebook. We say things on Facebook that we would never say in person. We always know where people "are," but aren't connected to them).
However, I have seen too much kindness for me to be seriously jaded by these findings. People have shown unparalleled compassion and love for my family in the last few years. I have no doubts that human beings are inherently good.
But we need to remember the lives lost. We need to remember that while it's okay to debate and be passionate, biting remarks and a lack of empathy will only fuel the flames.
In the coming weeks, I am challenging myself to acts of kindness. Because while I can't control a crazy gunman, I CAN control how I live out my life on earth. And I want to make the fallen angels proud.
