1. If you can't tip well, you should stay home. This one comes from Dad; he always said that. If you have enough money for a nice dinner, you can leave a decent tip. More often than not, particularly on the Cape or elsewhere, the waiter or waitress is a student who could use it! Oh, and another one from my parents: ALWAYS send thank you notes! They are deeply appreciated.
2. It doesn't take much to make someone's day. Just a smile or a kind word will do. You may look dumb or out of place in a foreign country where strangers don't smile, but smile anyway! I personally enjoy hugs.
3. Let people know how you feel. I recently wrote a note to someone telling her how much I appreciated her presence and occasional fun chats with me throughout a certain period. She wrote back, and a friendship was born. You owe it to someone to let them know if they've taught you something, or bettered your life in a certain way. Otherwise, they'll never know. And how much better it is if they know.
4. It really is possible to adapt to almost anything. New place, new family structure, loss, habits, you name it. That doesn't mean you have to love every new situation immediately, but I've learned that I really am capable of making the most of any event in life, positive or negative, when I have the right attitude.
5. That being said, sometimes you just have to go for it. January 5th, 2012. Security checkpoint at Logan Airport. The most important leap I've ever taken. And the most rewarding.
6. When your instincts (or "angel nudges") are telling you that something just isn't quite right, it's probably not. This holds true in almost any situation, from dealing with a questionable stranger to finding yourself in a really sketchy bar abroad (I don't recommend). Or, on a far more serious note, those funny feelings that something is drastically wrong with a friend or loved one (has happened to me more than once). Worst case, you're wrong. Best case, you save your life or someone else's. Your intuition serves a purpose. Listen.
7. Make sure the absorbency of your feminine products corresponds to flow. Sorry, I know that's gross. But I felt really compelled to add this in after remembering a devastatingly embarrassing incident in eighth grade science class. Enough said. Ave, thanks to this day for helping me deal with that.
8. It's never too early to save for the future. Another one from Dad. He was a supervising engineer, and I watched him work his butt off and do it joyfully. He began selling newspapers at age nine to help support his family. He put himself through multiple graduate degrees.The reason my family is okay is directly due to his hard work and planning in making sure that we're all taken care of for life.
9. Blood does not always equal family. When I say this, I mean that people unrelated to you can play just as important of a role in your life. There have been people that I've only known for months that I consider family. I have the best blood family there is, but I've also been blessed to create my own "families" along the way. From a couple of close friends from MA and their families to my Italy family, these are people I've shared experiences with and who always welcome me with open arms.
10. Crying is NOT synonymous with weakness. Sometimes, we're just a little full. Tears let fear and tension out, so that the amazing can start to seep in.
11. Really know the word before you say it. Until I was about fifteen, I thought that the word "matinee" (an afternoon movie) was the same exact word as an ocean creature, the MANATEE. I guess I had just always read the word quickly and not noticed the major spelling differences. Luckily, my mom was able to correct me before I suffered major embarrassment.
12. Manners matter. I probably looked foreign as the kid who was constantly saying "please" and "thank you" before I could say almost anything else. It appeared as if I had old-fashioned Southern manners in Massachusetts (rare). Not to generalize, but sometimes Massachusetts-ers are not always known for their graceful dispositions (just go driving around Boston for twenty minutes). But if you always put your best foot forward, you'll form some positive impressions.
13. Those people that others "write off" are often the most insightful and compassionate. That hyperactive kid with severe ADHD that people deemed "uncontrollable?" I also witnessed him on multiple occasions being the first to console a crying child on the playground. Focus on the good in everyone.
14. On that note, there's almost always a story. I have a sixth sense when it comes to people. I'm always observing. But that doesn't mean that I'm never surprised. Sure, there are those people in your life that you cannot stand. But I try to realize that everyone has a unique story. That obnoxious teenager that always interrupts? Turns out she never receives any attention from her parents. I really don't believe that people are "born" in a particular way. Experiences shape who we become. There's always something going on behind the mask.
15. Miracles are everywhere. So are those moments of grace. I love those "aha" moments. Oh, so THAT'S why that happened. In some circumstances, it may take months or years to know "why." Or I may not know until I'm dead. It's important to ask why, but it's just as important to understand that life works out the way it's supposed to (way easier said than done sometimes!) I've met wonderful friends at the perfect moment. I've escaped a few potentially threatening situations (and probably some I do not even know about to this day). I have to trust that I'm being taken care of. Miracles are a beautiful reminder of that. And they DO happen. Everyday. You just have to look for them!
16. WWJD. What would Jesus do? Love.
17. Younger siblings really do look up to you. Whether you believe it or not. I'll never forget that kitchen table admission from my then fourteen-year-old brother, Robbie: "I want to do good things like you." I never really assumed that he was watching. But now I know that they do watch. I'm sure I've made mistakes. But all I want is for my brothers to remain the uniquely com(passionate) young men that they are. Because older siblings can "look up" to younger ones, too.
18. It's okay to let go. And ask for help. And just admit that "this sucks." Sweet talking through an ugly situation doesn't help anyone, especially yourself. Sometimes, you just have to look towards Heaven and give it up. That being said, there's a huge difference between having a positive attitude and ignoring your true feelings. Hopefulness is important, but it has to be coupled with honesty with oneself. I don't always feel 100% every day of my life. I used to believe that something was "wrong with me" if I felt desperate or confused. But that's normal. And it's okay.
19. The journey is the fun part. This is definitely a lesson that I'm still learning. I become afraid of change. But as I heard recently, the worst that can happen if something doesn't go your way is that you're back at square one, but with more wisdom. In Italy, we often had just as much fun on traveling "adventures" (besides the couple of nights in the airport) as we did at the destination itself. While I understand that traveling is not necessarily comparable to life itself, I'm realizing that sometimes it's fun to break from routine. It might even lead to some unexpected life changer.
20. Education does not just come from books. Pretty self-explanatory. I've always loved learning in any capacity, and school is one of my favorite places. But I've learned just as much about life from traveling, pushing on through tragedy, and watching people I admire. Who are these people? All ages. My age, early thirties, mid-eighties. I love autobiographies. I love stories. More often than not, the life (in progress) stories of people I know have been my greatest "teachers."
21. Inner satisfaction, not attention or praise, is what's important. I really don't like attention at all. I watch shows like The Bachelorette and cringe at the notion of having to charm a roomful of people. Let alone a few! I've always competed with myself, and no one else. I do the best I can in the situation; I get upset when I know I am not at my full potential. That's why I never understood the high school "class rank" battle. Or more like, the one-sided war of the people that actually cared about the performances of others against those who could care less. I could have cared less who was eighth or twenty-sixth. I only cared that I was doing the best I possibly could. I work hard for the purpose of learning, and behave in a way that respects myself and others (even if that means going against the grain). It's worked pretty well so far. Have I slipped up occasionally? Probably. Of course. But when you try your best consistently, no one seems to notice.
22. You're never too old to need your mom. Having celebrated my 21st birthday on Monday, I needed to add an extra lesson for good luck, and honor the woman who gave birth to me, nurtured me from day one, and has been my greatest teacher. (While I was her easiest baby after the fact, the birth part wasn't easy for her. I was breech with a dislocated hip that required a harness for my first six weeks of life). When I think of the perfect role model, he or she doesn't even come close to Jules. I will always go to her for guidance and call her when I'm sick. Age doesn't change our need for those who love us.
This list will always be a work in progress. Because life is all about constant learning and growth.
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