Full Circle

Yesterday morning, we moved Robbie in at UMass. Never thought I'd say that, but there it is. It actually didn't feel nearly as strange as I thought it would; shuffling my brother's totes around and unpacking his life had a strange air of familiarity. Maybe that is because he happens to reside in the same dorm that was my housing for 1.5 years. Yes, that could be it. However, my move-in was different in so many ways, some distinct and some subtle. The short list:

1. The day I moved in my freshman year, is was ninety-four degrees. Yesterday, it was a comfortable seventy-two or so. (Sidenote: My friend and I to this day still talk about the horrendous memories we have of lugging a year's worth of belongings up three flights of stairs in the heat. I actually don't remember much. Pretty sure I blocked that whole day out).

2. I cried at least a few times a week the whole summer before college. Completely terrified. Robbie seems a little calmer, but was still definitely sad to see Mom and Joey go. Maybe having a fabulous older sister at the same school has eased that transition...

3. Robbie has about half the amount of stuff that I did. Although he did bring his Wii. Priorities, priorities. Although as a bio major, he'll have to release the stress somehow and I would rather him play that than resort to illegal drugs or gang behavior. (I forget that not everyone that reads this knows Robbie. If you don't, that's a really funny joke).

4. My dad was present on my move-in day. Definitely felt that hole yesterday.

5. Greenough (Robbie's new dorm and my old one) now has a really high-tech Brita water filter thingy built into the wall. That's really the only way I can describe it. It is the coolest thing ever (and a huge improvement over a water fountain that worked only half the time).

And these aren't the only differences; my life is evolving to reflect the years to come. On Wednesday night, I slept in my new apartment. After living in a beautiful place in Perugia, I don't think I could ever not have my own space again.

In fact, this whole year is about the unfamiliar in so many ways; much time will be spent applying to jobs, figuring out plans, and writing my thesis. In the name of honesty, I am very anxious. Not because I don't want to leave college. I actually think I need a new chapter, a chapter that started with Perugia. That was a fresh start like no other, and I've never felt more alive that I did there. But lately, the reverse culture shock has been horrible, maybe even worse than when I first returned. Despite these feelings, I am so determined to bring my "Perugia-self" back with me to school this year, and I am really excited to see how that beautiful four month journey will influence my future plans.

Despite nervousness and uncertainty, there are still some beautiful constants. The main one being my new roommate, Jen. She's been a very close friend since about the third day of freshman year, but certain circumstances have always prevented us from living together. I can't think of a better person to spend the majority of my senior year with. We have two other great roommates as well. With a new housing situation comes a calming, familiar presence.

It is this balance between the familiar and the unknown that is slowly giving me the courage to have new experiences, and the spark necessary to continue to live the best way I know how at any given moment. I often still feel like I am in a weird in-between, somewhere over the chasm that separates my life for so many years with the officially "grown-up" world I am about to enter. But one of the best feelings? When the unfamiliar and scary eventually becomes the blessing you never knew you needed. And that's what I'm praying for.