L'Anno Scorso

Confession: I hate New Years Eve. One reason being that there is so much pressure (at least in my mind) to be doing something fun and wild and bracing all the crazies out there when what I would really rather be doing is sitting on the couch in my living room watching a "Once Upon a Time" marathon with Joey. Fortunately (or unfortunately), that's exactly what we did. (As luck would have it, we were both sick).

I also don't really like New Years Eve because there is a weird sense that you will never get that year back. Some years (ie. 2010) I was more than happy to see twelve months go. (After talking to many people who agree with me on this fact, I have come to the conclusion that 2010 was cursed). But 2012 is one year that I would actually be happy to begin again.

A year ago today, I was sitting on a chair in Logan Airport with my mother. Not sure who was more terrified as the minutes ticked by. Even the bookstore, which would normally give me hours of entertainment, no longer proved interesting or distracting.

Sometimes, I wish that I could go and tell my past self to just stop worrying. Then, instead of freaking out the whole ride to Italy, I would have at least known everything would be okay as I was hurtling into the unknown. Such a power would leave me considerably less anxious in my daily life. But alas, life does not work that way.

But that was a lot of what my study abroad journey was about. Emotions. Not knowing. Feeling things out.  I do not remember exactly what I was drinking while I waited for my flight on that day one year ago, but I do remember my anxiety and that glimmer of hopefulness that everything would be okay.

They gave us this packet on our first night in Perugia. In it was a sheet with typed advice from past students. I half-heartedly skimmed it on the first night, but found myself scoffing a bit. I was so homesick, and had trouble believing that "Your best weekends will be the ones spent in this city" or "Get to know everyone, the staff, locals...they will become amazing friends to you" or "You'll grow in ways you can't even imagine in this moment." I was a skeptic, and yet...every one of these statements proved true for me in the end.

I guess the lesson is...what do I know?

There is a quote that says something like, "People won't remember everything you do for them, but they will remember how you made them feel." Or something like that. If I applied this statement to my experience, I would modify it to "You won't remember every site or even every moment. But you will remember the emotions involved and the thrill of transformation."

 For example, my first weekend trip was to Rome about three weeks into the semester. The Colosseum was awesome, but I don't find myself remembering too much about it. But I do remember the silent beauty of the Trevi Fountain, sprinting towards it when we got a glimpse of the lights and trickling water from around the corner. We didn't mean to stumble across it in that moment. But we did. And that midnight excursion proved even more enchanting when we found an abandoned piazza with its own fountain. We just ran around and basked in the magic that comes with being in a space that has seen so many ages come and go. I had never felt so free.

Putting Italy aside, I remember the Tower of London and the hilarious Beefeaters I met on my trip to England. I remember the Tube and "mind the gap" and all of that. But when I think of London, what really comes to mind is independence. It was my first time traveling completely alone, hotel and all. And it was thrilling. I only had to answer to myself.

I don't remember exactly what I did that last night in Perugia, but I do remember just how painful some of the goodbyes proved to be. And yet I didn't mind the pain so much, because with the pain came the acknowledgement that I had met people special enough to warrant such sadness. And the warm feelings come back every time I skype my roommates, or receive a message from my Italian family, or read an email from an Umbra friend.

If the last year has taught me anything, it is that I want life be an adventure. Soon I'll have a "real" job and be dealing with life after college, but I never want to lose the sense of wonder of those four months.
I started writing in this way to try to make sense of my journey. If I've learned anything else, it is that words don't do such an experience justice! Over the last year, I have tried to paint a picture of some kind. But the truth is, the painting isn't finished yet. The tremendously positive effects of my travels continue to become evident even now. Last January 5th, I was wondering how my 2013 self would be looking back at 2012. Today, I am pleased to say that I view these twelve months with only the most grateful heart. And I didn't need my future self to tell me that.