Good Enough

One moment, she is making a passionate attempt at twisting her seven-year-old body around a giant monkey bar on the playground. But the next, after steadying herself on two feet, she is in tears. Her shiny eyes look up at me, her words piercing:

I'm not talented enough, she whispers.

I'm genuinely surprised. I thought you were incredible. I could never do that now. But these words of comfort aren't enough. The tears still fall and my heart actually drops.

First of all, I'm impressed that she knows the word "talented." But what really stings is her use of the word enough. Enough for what? I realize what at least partly fueled the fire; she thinks that the ten-year-old before her was better.

But I don't think that's true, I reply. And even if you think it is, it's because she's older and her body is stronger. 

This doesn't work either.

So I try again.

My heart is talking now. You're not talented? I exclaim. You just showed me the elaborate wind chime you created on the branch of that tree next to the swings. You used leaves and sticks, and tied the two together with pieces of grass. And you explained to me how your creation will tell us which way the wind is blowing.

And you garden. You know the name of every type of tree on this field. You tell me about flowers and which ones can survive best during the winter months.

And you tell stories that would make the Grimm Brothers jealous. About fairies and castles and knights and a purple snake and a giant tornado. You even act them out for me. 

I am speaking in my mind now: how dare you believe you aren't good enough?

At my mention of her many gifts, her head comes up out of her hands. She picks at her black tights. I even see a half-smile.

What else am I good at? 

And the list goes on.

I'm not sure how this little girl will feel about herself tomorrow, but she seems happier for today. She skips off to the slide, and I am left praying that she will one day discover her self-worth.

I'm having the same kind of day today. The kind of day that makes me feel...well, not good enough.

For example, there's that midterm looming over my head that should be fun (diagnosing a fictional patient with mental illness and composing a treatment plan). Instead, I find myself lacking the energy and motivation to start. Which is strange, because I got over eight hours of sleep last night. I'm just drained. And those new black sneakers (see last post) still haven't been used. Frankly, I just don't feel like running.

And the list goes on.

For now, I'm trying to push these taunting thoughts aside and focus on my strengths and where they can lead me.  Writing it out definitely helps.

I think that sometimes, we are all that little girl on the playground. I know I am. But in these instances, I remember a phrase from one of my favorite novels: She was all of these things and something more...it was what God puts into each soul that is given life, the one different thing such as that which makes no two fingerprints on the face of the earth alike..

So little girl, (and I don't now which "little girl" I'm talking to here): You ARE good enough. Actually, you are far more than that. You are miraculous.