Living the questions, one moment at a time.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

1.5 Million.

The story of my day in Auschwitz. Warning: I'm going to give a lot of extremely disturbing details that make me upset. They will probably upset you too.

To begin, I should probably explain why I decided to visit the camp. It actually wasn't really a decision. I've always wanted to. My dad was a World War II buff, and I take after him in that sense. However, this was always a facet of the war that I could never wrap my head around. I don't think anyone can. Sadly, persecution still happens today in many parts of the world. The Holocaust is one of the most disturbing reminders of evil. I knew the day would be hard. I knew that with my tendency to deeply empathize with people, (sometimes to a damaging degree), I would not have an easy time walking on the essential burial ground of 1.5 million people. Honestly, that day taught me more than a lifetime of education elsewhere.

We started off in Auschwitz I. This camp, sadly, was considered a "resort" amongst the prisoners. You actually WANTED to be in this camp. The barracks were not the stereotypical barracks that one pictures when one imagines a concentration camp. This camp was not so much the death camp as the work camp (although of course people still died here). The famous sign that greeted me:
"Work Makes You Free"...one of the more ironic statements made here

A picture a prisoner drew on the barrack wall 


Many of the barracks in Auschwitz I have been made into small museums with memorabilia from the camp. When I say memorabilia, I mean the prisoners' belongings, clothes, shoes, and hair.

Yes, hair. This was the first time I completely lost it. When prisoners entered the camp, their heads were shaved. If you were a woman, your hair was often braided first to keep it neat (the Nazis used a lot of the hair for supplies). I have seen pictures of the hair remains at Auschwitz before, but nothing could have ever prepared me for what I saw. This is not just a small container of hair. It is a glass case that spans the entire room, floor to ceiling. Filled with human hair. How many people had to die for all of that hair to be left? And, as our guide said, that's just the very tip of the iceberg. By the way, we didn't take pictures here out of respect for the victims.

The tears continued when I saw the display of baby clothes. These infants didn't get the chance to live at all. Their tiny shoes and onesies lined several cases.

I knew about the medical experiments conducted on prisoners, but I didn't know these prisoners included babies. The Nazis would starve certain babies to see how long they could live. I saw video footage of it. They were literally handling a deceased human infant the way I dissected a fetal pig in AP biology.

This got me thinking. How many unlimited potentials were crushed senselessly? How many brilliant minds and thoughts were silenced? One of these victims could have found a cure for cancer, the disease that has killed several of my closest loved ones. Nobel prize winners, scientists, doctors, teachers. God only knows the incredible things that these 1.5 million people could have done with their lives. It breaks my heart.

Outside, I saw the execution wall. This wall is at the end of a small courtyard. The barracks form the yard. The windows facing the courtyard were boarded. The guide said that this was to keep the prisoners inside from seeing people being shot against the wall (they could only hear the shots).


One boy shot against the wall was a twelve-year-old. He rolled an apple he had found towards a group of hungry men in an attempt to feed them. A guard saw him doing this, and threw him against the wall and shot him on the spot.

My little brother is also twelve. Joey is the most compassionate kid I know, and all I could think of was him. This is something he absolutely would have done in this situation. And to be killed for kindness? This little boy was someone's "Joey."

Auschwitz I also houses a gas chamber that the Nazis didn't have the chance to destroy before the Allies liberated the camp. I will never forget the feeling of being inside.



Next, we went to Auschwitz II-Birkeneau. This camp was the real "death camp." I was immediately struck by the sheer size of the place; it seemed to go on for miles. Hundreds of thousands of people lived here at any one moment.

Separation point-flick of the thumb for work or death




I noticed a lot of rubble. The Nazis did destroy these gas chambers. The chambers were built partially underground, because this accelerates the temperature inside more quickly. The Nazis relied on the prisoners' body heat to ignite the gas, so about 5,000 people could be squished into a little tiny room to be killed at one time.
Destroying the evidence


I learned quite a few disturbing concepts here. For one, the top bunk in the barracks was the most coveted. Why? Because when the prisoners had diarrhea and you were on the bottom bunk, you got hit with the human waste. Prisoners weren't allowed to use the bathroom after dark, so you had to go in the bunk. Most had diarrhea anyway from hunger. I think that was the least of their concerns though.





Starvation was obviously a major issue. We saw a before picture of a woman with her daughter about a month before she was deported to the camp. She was beautiful and had a full figure. Just a few months later, we saw a nude picture of her in the camp. Unrecognizable. She didn't have an ounce of fat on her, even in the chest. Everything sagged. Literally a walking skeleton. Months later. Most people, women in particular, did not last much longer than that.

At the end, we asked our amazing guide how it felt to live in the same town that houses Auschwitz. I found her response fascinating. She said she feels blessed to live amongst reminders of horror, because it gives her a certain perspective on life that really changes you. This experience certainly changed me. I've been praying for those who never got a chance to see the end of the war. The 1.5 million who never got their chance. It's easy to get lost in the numbers, but each number is a person. A life. They make me want to live mine with compassion and understanding. It is only through kindness that the world will somehow find some peace.

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